Ants in my Smartipants

So one day I was eating crackers and after I had eaten about 1/4 of the sleeve I noticed a small black thing on my cracker. Upon closer inspection I noticed that it was an ant. I then inspected the entire sleeve more closely and noticed that it was swarming with ants, ants on which I had been happily munching! That, my dear friends, is how there came to be ants in my smartipants!!

Thursday, September 22, 2005


Times one point one-five
(a tribute to the calculator speech)

Oh calculator speech, where would the world be without you..

1. We would never know how much the company was losing because of me
2. We would never know how many bottles we have to sell to break even
3. We would never know that certain people can't do math in their head
4. We would never know that the best way to calculate tax is to multiply something by 1.15 instead of using the preprogrammed tax button
5. We would be bored to tears when hearing the financial information of our places of employment

The world would not be the same without you Calculator speech!!!


Now if I can only master you and use you on experience plus!!!
Happy Birthday Gavin

So yesterday was my buddy Gavins' birthday. We all went to our local watering hole in celebration. Although most people showed up around 8, I had class until 10 so I was late. The class in question was "The Psychology of Human Sexual" and today's seminar exercise was to decode a list of slang terms for things of or having to do with sex. As a present for Gavin I gave him the list and throughout the night defined terms such as gorilla salad, jersey city, to break her leg above the knee, Irish toothache, canned fruit and vegetarian. Education is important you know! It was good times!
After several hours and many people buying him drinks, Gavin was having a difficult time standing up straight. At one point he decided to slap my ass as I was leaning in to hug my boy. The force of the slap caused my boy to drop his beer and break a glass (Oh the alcohol abuse!!) After this event the bar tender forced my boy to use a plastic cup and resulted in everyone calling him "Plastic Cup" all night! Also throughout the night there was several performances of "Total Eclispe of the Heart" by my boy and Gavin. It certainly wouldn't be a night out with Gavin without hearing "And I need you now tonight, I FUCKING need you more than ever"
So Happy Birthday Gavin and may you not spend too long today worshiping the porcelain god!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

The end of and era (a very short and crappy era but and era none the less!)

So here I sits at my Kiosk in the mall on my very last day. Of course I am not working, I am too giddy at the though of being released from this place!!

Here is my list of things I won't even think about missing after 9pm tonight:

1. Working for Sohan
2. The fact that this mall is really freaking cold
3. Stupid customers
4. People who seem to just like yelling at me for no reason
5.People who yell at me with perfectly good reasons
6.The fact that certain Camera store employees never came to eat lunch with me on the comfy couches next to my kiosk, even though I could see them eating alone in the food court.
7. The screaming children
8. Tweens everywhere I look
9. Those kids and their rollershoes
10. The way that mall maintance looks at me when they notice what a huge mess I have made
11. MALL MUSIC
12. Working boxing day!

Well I guess I have to make counter list of the things that I will miss

1. Shan and Anna from one booth over
2. Calling the boys at EBGames Buttons
3. Being kicked out of EBgames by Dan
4. Surprise visits from Friends
3. 10% mall discount (even if I only got it in the foodcourt, Blacks and Grand and toy)
4. Really really cheap perfume!
5. Being paid to surf the internet
6. Random acts of Hilarity in the mall
7. The good folks selling cell phones behind me
8. Some of the folks selling jewelry in front of me
9.Chasity and the boys from EBgames

10. Security guards inviting me to Grammy's house for their birthday
11. Shan and Anna! (mainly because they are reading this right now!!)

See You folks on the Flip side!

Monday, September 19, 2005

Paris Hilton: I lied when I said that I liked your purse!

So yeah.. I had this dream the other night... I was hanging out with Paris Hilton and she was showing me her new purse. On one side it had tassels (not just one or two, it was entirely covered in them!) and on the other side it had Sparkles. She was telling me how awesome it was and how much she loved it, I was like "Uhhh.. yeah it's nice Paris" Then we decided to go to the flea market (and we all know how much Paris loves the flea market). It was there that we ran into Larn. Larn and Paris then decided that I wasn't cool enough for them and spent the rest of the dream trying to ditch me.

Dear Paris Hilton,

You are a jerk and your purse is really ugly

Sincerely
Cookie

Dear Larn,

You are a Bitch for choosing Paris over me and your new best friends' purse is ugly!

sincerely
Cookie

Funny story number 2

On Saturday I was awoken by Shrieks of

"I WON!! "
"I am the WINNER!"
"didja hear that I WON, puppies, I WON"

It was my mother and she was talking to our dogs. I figured that since she was that excited about winning she must of won the lottery and we were rich (real rich, not "experience plus" rich)
unfortunately I soon discovered that she had one the gardening contest in the paper and all we would be getting was 60 tulip bulbs! Not so much fun for me, who doesn't go into the backyard, but great for Mom with the green thumb!!
So congrats Mom (who doesn't read this Blog) and enjoy your bulbs!!


So I am a geek, and I have a new obsession!!

My best friend recently sent me one of the funniest songs in the world, Skullcrusher Mountain by Jonathan Coulton.
I enjoyed it so much that I googled him to see if he had any more songs. He did and one of them was a song about DNA. Since I am science geek I really love it!
Check out
www.jonathancoulton.com
Have a listen to his songs, they are great. Also his science is available for a free download!

Well that's all I got for now, I should actually do some school work, talk to you kittens later!




Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Good News and Funny Stories


So I used to have this job in the mall where I sold perfume at discount prices. It had it's good points, such as really good deals on perfumes, access to the internet and a 10% discount at the food court, but it had many more disadvantages, such as a retarded boss who refused pay me comission or hire new people when others left and being at a kiosk in the mall. Well I QUIT yesterday (I am still working there for 3 more shifts so don't be upset if there is a perfume you had to get and still wanted a discount) Don't worry folks, I have found a great new job working for a lovely professor and his totally rad KMAD wife!!!! So that's my good news, now on the the funny story....

So Classes have started again.... joy
I went to a class one morning, and I thought I was going to be late but when I got to the class the door was locked and the room was dark. I stood there for a minute in a state of confusion wondering if I had the time or place wrong, then turned around to see the rest of the class behind me. The professor was handing out some paper while he waited for security to open the door. How I had not noticed 20 people in the hall when I came throught the door is beyond me. Eventually we were let into the class. When the professor tried to write something on the whiteboard he noticed that the room had been nicely stocked with chalk, not markers, chalk. He looked at the chalked decided to write on the board anyways and said "I hope you folks can read this" before laughing and setting off on a misson to find some markers.


Okay I have told funnier stories, but that's all I got for now!

PS Hey KMAD, when's the next meeting of our General Fatigue Syndrome Support group

PPS Hey Larn when are you getting a blog so we know what's happening with you??

PPPS The KMAD has promised me some blogging lessons because I am computer retarded! Soon I should get a counter and maybe some other fancy items on this site!! Feel free to send me any hints!






Saturday, September 10, 2005


My Thoughts On Ron Weasley


To those of you that may have been confused and to those of you who are not confused and to those who don't care one way or another!

Ron Weasley is not and has never been my boy, he is mearly another one of my admirers.

To those of you who are now more confused that was in reference to a comment left on my last post.

To those of you who are annoyed by my use of "To those of you" because you know my blog as about 3 readers and not the thousands that I like to pretend I have ... BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS, and leave me to my Delusions.

Today's picture is of a car in a used car lot in the USA, I love the spelling of Saver!! It makes me feel as though I should buy that car because I would be dealing with highly intelligent people!

The Good news for today is that I found a David Bowie shirt that I didn't know I had. Oh lovely where have you been all my life. I heart David Bowie!!

That's all the news that I have for now, I must get back to the 125 questions assigned to me on the first day of class. They are due Monday and they all suck!
See you folks on the beach!


PS to Kristen.. I heart Arrows because they point to stuff!

PPS Hear is a shout out to Larn, Our dear deaparted friend who will be sadly missed, breifly, until she is replaced.

PPPS Here is a shout out to Susan, my former co-worker who wanted to be mentioned, HI!

PPPPS For those who don't know Larn merely returned to school and didn't die.

Friday, September 09, 2005

I Fucking hate Frisbee and I Fucking Hate Tie-Dye


But my boy skipped both yesterday to hang out with me. That makes me happy!